Boviosity has gained access to a transcript of an explosive and disturbing misdirected voice mail message which Vice President Dick Cheney left on his cardiologist's answering machine. Boviosity has learned that the Vice President mistakenly used his cell phone to dial the doctor's phone number after becoming confused over which speed dial number to use. Intending to dial NBC News correspondent David Gregory, Mr. Cheney hit speed dial #1; he had recently moved the medical professional into that slot at the insistence of his concerned wife, bouncing Mr. Gregory to #2.
The transcript of the voice mail follows. Readers should be warned that the following transcript contains adult language and disturbing verbal imagery. We will try to make the audio available to our listeners within the next day or so.
Transcription begins:
Automated voice: You have reached the voice mail of Dr. Haggard. I can't come to the phone right now. If this is a medical emergency, hang up and dial 911. Otherwise, wait for the beep and leave a brief message.
(Beep)
VP (Screaming): [...] up the phone pick up pick up Omigod Omigod David. [unintelligible] I think I killed Harry. SHIT! David, pick up the phone omigod omigod. [rustling of grass] There's blood all over him WHERE ARE YOU DAVID? David I have to go soon. Can you please pick up. OK David wait a second...he's breathing! O thank God, he's breathing! WHERE ARE YOU??? I need you now. Omigod I'm going to have to hang up. David? DAVID?? OVER HERE, GUYS!!! We're over here! OK, David, quickly, quickly...dateline Corpus Christi. A pall hangs over the farmer's field where Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a fellow quail hunter 5 minutes ago...are you getting this David? I have to go...CALL ME.
[Dial tone]
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