Boviosity!

Dissed! If you're not reading the Atlanta Journal-Constitution's Vent daily, most of these won't make much sense to you. Hell, they don't make much sense to me. These are items I submitted to the Vent over the last couple years. Only a few of them got in.

Many NFL scouts are calling the home office and saying, "Dude, we're getting Odell!"

James Lileks: "If Patton were alive today he'd be slapping civilians."

It's official. Trolls are no more humorous or intelligent on the Vent than they are anywhere else on the web.

It's really quite simple: I don't care if you're a Vietnam Vet, a WWII Vet, a Nobel Laureate, or a former CEO - don't use my stairwell as a lavatory.

I think the solution is obvious: don't let people who can't do math take out title loans. Of course, if you need a title loan, you've probably already pretty much blown the math requirement anyway.

I've got to hand it to you liberals. You pack enough stupidity into one sentence that it takes us 3 paragraphs to correct you. Then you accuse us of ranting at you! Bravo!

Cynthia Mckinney gets things done? Spoken like someone who hasn't driven the Cynthia McKinney Parkway in the last few years. What a hotbed of civic and cultural achievement!

If Saturday was just a 7 on the Mellish Meter, then next time ol' Kirk calls for a 10 I'm gonna get ready for the Second Coming of our Lord.

I've observed recently that drawing actually is Mike Luckovich's strong suit, and I personally think that's the saddest commentary on his material that can be made.

I'm so glad to see Don O'Briant is writing a "letter to his adult children." Who do you think he'll send it to first - them or Scribners?

OK, OK, the KKK flag isn't about racism and "Dixie" isn't about slavery. And if you elect me governor in '08, I'll write that into Georgia law.

(No, I have no idea what I was trying to get at with that one.)

Every morning it's the same charade: we put our MARTA cards in the reader at Indian Creek, the cards are rejected, the nice gatekeeper lady smiles and puts hers through and we go on our way. I would complain, but she has a nice smile.

This gatekeeper was the same one from this post.

I just know that all you Bush-bashers are venting so angrily because you wasted all that time & money learning Arabic for when Kerry surrendered to the terrorists.

I truly hate to say this, but the Human Trumpet sounds more like a Human Human. I've got better trumpet noises coming through my underwear, if you know what I mean.

"Intelligent Design" is simply a way for fundamentalists to punish scientists who don't believe in God by refusing to believe in science.

Those blaming George W. Bush for Katrina and the levee breaks are exhibiting exactly the kind of magical thinking that makes me very, very grateful their chosen candidates almost always lose.

I needed a laugh - thanks for the story about the rich white guy driving his toy car in traffic and tooting his horn at people who pass him when he's doing 18mph. What a champ!

So, Ashley was "surprised" at the reaction to her meth story? Well, who couldn't predict that? Surprise is one of the most frequent emotions experienced by drug users, especially when they inadvertently catch a glimpse of reality.

Thanks for the article on how riders can cope with MARTA's frequent outages and failures. Now if the paper would only report MARTA's frequent outages and failures! The trains frequently strand people when there's no jumper on the tracks, you know.

Anybody who thinks Scooter Libby has been indicted of treason is not worth arguing with. Nice Vent, Sparky!

To all the homies on MARTA draped across an entire bench and glaring at me in case I want to sit next to you: you're not striking a blow for freedom like Rosa Parks did, you're just being a jerk.

Idea! Name Atlanta's transit system after Rosa Parks. Besides paying tribute, "PARKA" would have the added advantage of describing the trains 3 days of the week.

This seemed witty when I wrote it, believe it or not.

After checking out this year's movies, I was going to suggest a new category: "Best thumb in the eye to the settled values of the hated bourgeois." However, I see they already have that category, only it's called, "Best Picture."

Regarding grandparents raising their grandchildren: somehow, I'm not all that enthusiastic about the children of our local meth addicts being raised by the same people who raised the meth addicts.

Boy, if it takes Mary Worth as long to toast Wilbur's victory as it did for them to jawbone the case to death, they're gonna be fishing 'em out of the sewers.

Bush could have had his ports deal handed to him on a silver platter if he had only put out word that he was considering forbidding the UAE from consideration.

This one too

Isn't it about time for those daily post-hypnotic suggestion allergy clinic commercials, aka the "Pollen Counts" they sponsor, to begin?

Hey, Mayor Bill, I bet the prosecution wouldn't have introduced all that evidence about your mistresses if you had spent a little of that bribe money on your wife instead.

Man, either somebody smeared Vaseline on my computer screen, or somebody in the photo department at ajc.com REALLY loves Hanoi Jane Fonda.

(I'm not kidding. It was disgusting.)

Isn't it time for editors to declare a moratorium on declarative sentences starting with "think?" Think every other Eleanor Ringel review, to name one example among many at AJC and elsewhere.

For heaven's sake, people, read a few limericks before you try writing them. Limericks aren't just five lines that rhyme, any more than a haiku is just three sentences with a certain syllabic footprint. Style, scansion, and most of all WIT are also required.

Those troops in Viet Nam died for nothing because people like you and Hanoi Jane couldn't see past their own noses and forced the nation to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. You got played, and the soldiers payed.

Idea! In response to last Friday's action, let's all eat Italian on Cinco de Mayo.

Sorry, kiddoes - I'm just not in the mood to turn waiting for my wife at Publix into a politically-charged "gotcha-"fest. Don't you have anything better to do? I know I do.

Jack Handey - Ashleigh Brilliant - Steven Wright - Handey again - Handey - Wright. What, honey? Oh, I'm just listing the originators of today's vents.

Man, I bet those few editorial cartoonists who held their seething, irrational hatred of George W. Bush in check so as not to look stupid are just smacking themselves now that the Pulitzers have been announced. Look for another two years of "Hitler the cowboy chimp" crayon scrawlings from Luckovich!

Did anybody see Luckovich speaking on the news? He speaks about as well as he draws. I can't stay mad at him...he's just kind of sad.

Man...all that drawing, and he still had to put a "Pat Robertson" name tag on that blob in the middle of the cartoon. Congrats, Mike Luckovich!

There's a difference: speeding doesn't automatically make you a jerk. Driving 55 in the fast lane does. I suspect this distinction will be lost on those who need to hear it most, however.

Hey, Adam Smith: Not every disparity in prices is a result of gouging. Gas is cheaper in Middle Georgia than in Atlanta because there is less demand there.

How do you say "Happy Fifth of May" in Chinese? I want to be able to greet my server on Friday.

As sure as the sun sets in the West, reality intrudes and makes Liberals look dumb...and Liberals continue to think it's a right-wing plot.

It's simple, but probably not simple enough for you to understand: Castro's refugees are attempting to escape a "successful" Communist regime. Fox's people are attempting to escape a failed Capitalist regime.

If Algebra really was a waste of two years of your life, and you really got nothing from it, then I hate to tell you, but the rest of your life has been wasted as well, and nobody's getting anything from you. Ignorance is nothing to brag about.

Even though my Mom was a dedicated Government worker who did indeed bring lots of work home, I'm still surprised when I hear of it in others. This is because besides work, Mom also brought home stories of the people she worked with. "Lazy" doesn't begin to describe it.

I was going to respond to the poll that asked "Should the MARTA shuttle be moved back to Five Points," but there was no option for, "Duh."

Looks like the Fat Lady ululated for Zarqawi

Who was crucified, died, and was buried, and arose on the third day to sit at the right hand of God? The Son did!

Shameless bandwagoneering - there was a whole series on "Sonny Did" Georgia Gubernatorial campaign commercials.

Bill Campbell "Sexy"? I didn't know they allowed you to vent from prison, Mr. Mayor.

I'm taking up a collection to arm the Capitol Police with Tasers. I've collected $3.22 billion so far!

(Regarding Cynthia McKinney, of course.)

I learn the most interesting things in the Vent. For instance, both Wal-Mart and the US Army have the power to force American citizens to work for them. Enlightening!

Sure, it's possible to make the hot dogs and the buns come out even. It's a lot more fun, though, to make the margarita mix and the tequila come out even.

I pushed the "quantity" button 3 times on my microwave, but when I opened it up there was still only 1 bag of popcorn in there.

(Published, but they added a "Dadgum!" in front of it, hence the next vent but one.)

Oh, boy, it's time for the annual White breast-beating and race-card-playing festival over the 60-year-old lynchings in Madison!

"Dadgum?" I didn't start my popcorn in the microwave vent with "Dadgum!" I'm more of a "Gadzooks" man.

Aaah, another school year on MARTA, another batch of young un- and never-to-be-married girls telling their new babies to "shut the h--- up." Looks like parenting class is gonna need to start in 8th grade this year!

We're gonna get a major story twist in 60 days? That would've been barely enough time for the old Mary Worth to wrap up a dinner party! No wonder she's losing weight.

As a longtime (ok, just a couple years) devotee of Mary Worth, I was kind of hurt that this one didn't get in, even though there were a flurry of Mary Worth vents around that time.

It is better to Vent and look like a fool than to use Q&A as a very slow Google and remove all doubt.

Spanish language lesson #322: driving through some of the neighborhoods off of Jimmy Carter, I learned that "Yard Sale" is apparently a term for "Warning: Garbage Strewn on Lawn."