Boviosity!

This ought to send a chill down the spines of the bitter-enders who criticize Pres. Bush no matter what:

Washington, DC -- President Bush has announced a series of events next week designed to silence once and for all the critics of his successful war in Iraq, the war on terrorism, and the economic policy which has been blamed for upturns in GDP and downturns in unemployment. Dubbed "Christmas For America," the events include: a new plan to make things instantly perfect in the Middle East with no further bloodshed; an initiative to end the brutal regime of North Korea's Kim Il Sung without offending anyone in the whole world; and a pay-per-view blow-job for Koffi Annan in the well of the UN Security Council, with proceeds going to retire the World Bank debts of Mexico, Venezuela, and Vanuatu. Rumors that he will also have enormous wings surgically attached to his body so that he can fly to the moon and bring back enough green cheese to end world hunger could not be confirmed at press time.

Reached for comment, Howard Dean's campaign manager stated, "My candidate blew Koffi Annan for free back in '98." John Kerry said it's unfortunate the Middle East solution would be bloodless, as endangered blood-eating desert slugs would probably fall extinct, "their beautiful night cries replaced with the sounds of industry." Wesley Clark issued a challenge to the President: "My plan for perfecting the Middle East would take three days to implement; how long will yours take, punk?" And Al Sharpton was blunt in his disdain for the name of the program: "Christmas For America? What about those who don't celebrate Christmas? Sounds like a perfect way to marginalize Muslims, who are largely of African-American descent in this country. Have a nice, White Christmas, Mr. President."