Boviosity!

You know how, when you're watching a baseball game on TV, the camera seems to linger on every player long enough to GUARANTEE that they'll spit unpleasantly? Suppose one of those players was actually suffering from an overproduction of saliva that day due to some physical problem, and you went up to him after the game and said, "Man, you were disgusting on TV today!" and he said, "I know, I'm sorry, I have a spitting problem right now." It would be a little awkward, but you'd have the consolation of knowing that you'd made an observation about baseball players that was generally accurate.

That's how I feel about the beginning of this John Kessler column. Although he's not discussing bodily functions by this point, I can't help but read this

I still remember one visit to Figo Pasta when I had to grunt and make unpleasant noises behind someone's back until he relinquished his stool.

and say, "I'll bet you did, John. I'll just bet you did."

Grunt on, John. The obligatory unpleasant eating imagery is on view, too, albeit slightly cloaked:

Pasta in cream sauce here just seems to stare up at you from the plate and go, "Glub, glub." I remember one night we tried mightily to make a dent in the squash ravioli with mascarpone cream and radicchio.

This unsavory attention to gustatory detail just sets me off, I guess.